Guitar Lessons

Playing the guitar is so hard!!!!! It's gotta be like the hardest instument ever!!!
lol I'm sure there are harder ones... but boy oh boy do my fingers hurt. I even had to cut my finger nails and I hate having short nails!!! it feels so weird. The tips of my fingers hurts from trying to hold down the strings. I can't even play a chord well let alone playing 2 chords one after the other. idk how people do it!!! Definitely a new appreciation for them!!!
I hope it gets easier. I need to work up my hand muscles and get my fingers to stretch!!!! I'll probably get calluses... but at least my fingers won't hurt??
We'll see how it goes!

Shingles

Oh Bumpless, itch free body how I miss you!! :(

LVN Status!!

So I found out over a week ago that I passed my State boards and I am now a Licensed nurse!!
how exciting!! :) I have to wait to see if I will be able to move up in the company. I won't be able to at my current facility which is a bummer but it's a possibility for another one. It would be great to stay with the company.
I just started taking my first online class in order to pursue my BSN degree. It's going to take a bit of time, but this way I can still work full time and go to school. I'm going to have to try to be dedicated... it can be hard online, but at least I won't have to waste time going to class all day then doing homework!
It's exciting and scary to be an official nurse! We'll see what's in store next!

NCLEX!!!

My NCLEX exam is tomorrow!!! I'm so nervous and tired at the same time!! I need to get through some more reading so I can take some practice tests. I have to be there at 7:30am!! and really who wants to take a test that early?!! I can't wait for it to be over!! I hope I pass because I don't want to have to study anymore!!!

It will be exciting to officially be a nurse and have my license!! Hope it goes welL!!!

Boyfriend!

So I bet you all never thought you would see the day when I got a boyfriend :)

Well I do... and he's great. So sweet and kind. He treats me like a princess and it's so fun to hang out together. I'm not sure what will happen in the future, but I am glad that he is in my life and I know that God is going to teach me a lot through the process. Please pray for us and for him.

He won't let me post any pictures on facebook.... he is very self conscious. I'm not sure exactly where it stems from, but I can add a photo for you... I'm not even sure if anyone reads this. :)

His name is J.R. :)

Anna's getting married!!!

SO I'm pretty darn excited because my friend Anna is getting married in a few weeks. :) I'm soooo happy for her!! I've known her for 8 years and from the very beginning she has always wanted to be married and now it's happening!! I know it has been worth the wait and she had found the person she will be with for the rest of her life! I couldn't be more thrilled!! I am super excited I get to watch as they become man and wife! :) I'm up for a road trip with the Grubbs!! :) how exciting!! :) I'm also just excited to see Anna period! Twice in one year?! How blessed am I?!! :) considering I've seend her a total of 3 times in the last 7 years. :(

She's a missionary and Chile and before that moved back up North so not easy to visit. She is such an amazing woman with a big hear for God. I couldn't be more blessed. :)

to make a difference

Someday I'm gunna do big things

I'm gunna be known for something.

I feel like a lot of time I do a lot but it all goes unnoticed... people take me for granted. Not that I do things to be noticed, but sometimes it's nice just to have someone come along and encourage you. Let you know that what you are doing has made a difference. 

Today one of the teachers that I have spent the least amount of time with told me how hard I work. and it was very nice to hear, especially since I don't know how she really could have known that. I got a B in the last class she taught and there are so many that are doing better than me. My goal was to be the best and even though that isn't going to happen, even though others are going to get better grades, my goal is to make a difference. Its not about who gets to be team lead the most times or whose so and sos favorite, what matters is that we make a difference, we go out of our way to help others. and even though it may go unnoticed by everyone you hope to matter to, there's always someone watching... it may even be the person you least suspect, but they encourage you to keep at it and it makes you think for a moment that its not all in vain, that someday it will matter to more people and you'll be more. 

So stay strong and keep pushing... someday more people will see how much of a difference just a single person can make. 

Difficult Tasks

"Dear God
Please remind me that I can do anything for a little while
I can do repetitive chores
I can do unpleasant things
I can do difficult tasks surrounded by difficult people, under the most unpleasant circumstances
I can do all things that I have convinced myself that I am afraid to do.
Please remind me that I can do anything for a little while.
I can feel uncomfortable
I can feel inadequate, unworthy or ill equipped and still move forward in a positive direction until I feel better.
I can feel unsure
I can feel my faith waning and my strength draining and still accomplish something good, something great, something worthwhile.
Please God, remind me that I can do anything for a little while.
When I feel like running away or turning around, please remind me.
When I am whining and complaining, please God, remind me that no task is too small, unimportant or insignificant. Remind me that all I do for you today will be rewarded tenfold tomorrow.
Please, God, remind me that I can do anything for a little while. and while I am doing all that has been given to me to do, remind me to give you praise for the ability to do anything at all.
For the presence of your peace in the midst of all of my duties, I am eternally and humbly grateful."

Anna makes her return!

Sooo I finally got to see Anna again. :) It was wonderful. I went to Tara's house monday after school. Got there about 3:40 or so and Didn't get home til 12:40! They decided to shut down the 57 freeway... It was wonderful to sit and hang out and hear all about how God is working in her life and about the special man in her life. It all makes me so happy and I am so blessed to have her as a friend. She's been there for me and helped me over the last 8 years with so much. Honestly sometimes I wonder how she could ever even put up with me. But I am just so very thankful that she has. She is such an amazing person and has such a heart for Christ. I hope to live my life for Christ the way she does. We hung out with Tara and her 4 kids and her husband and also another friend Dave. We took the kids for a run around the block! Lol I am definitely sore from all of that tag. :) and yes it does bring me pleasure knowing that I'm faster than a 7, 5 and 3 year old :)
There are many people in life that make a difference in so many ways. People that go in and out of your life and people that make their return. people you've lost touch with for no reason at all but then get reconnected with.
I use to have a lot of people enter and leave. It was hard for me b/c I get so attached to people. Anna and I really only had one year together. When I was a wee freshmen in HS... ;) and then she moves back home about 6 hours north. Then she has been a missionary for the last several years. since at least my Senior year of HS i believe. but we have been excellent pen pals. :) I saw her about a year and a half ago. Summer 2007. She was passing through on her way to some foreign country so i hung out with her during her lay over at the airport. :) Each time I see her it is always very emotional. Our time is short but sweet and I don't know when the next time I will see her again and I haven't seen her in so long... plus I'm just an emotional person anyway. But I think the biggest thing is... she's never given up on me. No matter what. She's stuck it out, she's been there she has no judgment. she just has the biggest heart and yet admits how human and flawed she is. and that is why she is my hero :) What a blessing to have people like her in my life :) always and forever! I hope to be like her!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Well I definitely started the New Year out right... lol making money... :)

haha I never do anything for New years... I worked with one of my manager's patrick all night> he's awesome. We had fun counting down even though we weren't sure the exact seconds lol. but it was like little kids on christmas or something. it was fun. :) He informed me that I am more boring than him! lol since he just turned 19 and he's a full time student and assistant manager. lol but hey I got a lot of homework to do. speaking of which.... I need to start getting to bed at a reasonable hour so I can wake up early and do it. I plan on getting a lot done tomorrow. I just have one more friend I need to hang out with. And another one of my friends is going to be getting a divorce. So please pray for her. Her name is Jessica... I call her Jessie. So I've been trying to help her a lot too when I should be doing my hw... but hey a friend in need right?

I'm definitely excited for this year. I will be a nurse in 9 months!! Well at least have graduated from Nursing school. then it will probably be another 2 months to take the boards! but I know God has a great thing planned and I'm not in a huge rush to graduate. Although I am definitely excited to be doing so... I'm enjoying the process of learning and going to school and clinical and building relationships with people. So I'm not ready to give that all up yet!

I've reconeccted with some amazing people... because Facebook is fully awesome!!!! :D 

Seriously!! 

And I am excited to be seeing Anna in 4 days!!! :) :) :) :) :)

Katie is home!! and that is exciting

I hope this year there is less fighting. I'm going to try to do my best to keep a good environment. So pray for a lot of patience and strength. 

I look forward to the nursing life. I'm excited to be a traveling nurse someday too. I don't think anyone will miss me too much. I'm usually super busy and don't have time to hang out with anyone and I've always been a homebody. Don't really get too many invites to gatherings and things so I don't feel tied down anywhere. The whole world is an open opportunity and I can live all over it! and I don't have to worry b/c I'm super good about keeping in touch with people. :) and when I do come home then everyone will want to see me. 

But I will be having a graduation party!! so Be ready!!

I graduate September 19, 2009!!! at like 6pm!! so save the date!!! :)

here's to 2009 and fulfilling my dream of becomming a nurse :)

Excited!!

God works in mysterious ways... this we all know. He has placed some very amazing people in my life... and they are always there for a reason. A lot of people have come and gone from my life. I use to think that when they left it was God saying that they served their purpose, their time with me has ended. There are people you always want in your life but the connection fades away (mainly b/c it's hard to keep in touch if they dont respond) :p So many people would be in my life one year and gone the next. but lately they have been coming back. :) Some from 8 years ago and I'm just blown away by the grace of God. b/c even though people may not be in your life, it doesn't mean i forget them... and it definitely doesn't mean I stop loving them or having them mean something. So i am very thankful for the opportunties to reconnect with friends from the past and also to see some I haven't seen in a long time.

I am very excited that Anna is home and I get to see her in January. She has been an amazing Pen Pal for the last 8 years and God has definitely used her to touch my life and so many others. I'm thankful that I can be in touch with Christine and Cat after such a long absence. It makes my heart so happy and I'm excited to see them in the near future. I'm glad Katie is coming home after  a year and a half. It is going to be so good to see her again. 

We go through a lot in life, but God always places people in it that we need. :)

thankful

There are many positive people in life...

some come and go... sometimes people write to me and say how much they care every couple months... but i've come to not believe it anymore... but there are those other ones... you know the ones you always know will care and I'm so thankful for them write now. even if you aren't always as close as you would like to be it's enough.

So thankfuly to have Alida, Dena, Anna and Tara through thick and thin.

I know they'll always be there for me. I know I can be forever a part and still have a strong relationship.

Anna, you inspire me everyday and am amazed at what God is doing in your life. I'm so excited for you. I thank them all for letting me be a part of their journey and for all the love and support of the years. 

Ready or not here I come

I guess typing online is easier than busting out a notebook and journaling it all out. It saves money too? I wish I still journaled for several reasons, not only so I could have an account for my life and if I really stayed on top of it so I could know how my relationship with people have changed and where I was at at this time when the future comes. I was really good at it in High School. Not so much in College, except when I got my CNA job, I made a CNA notebook and journaled in it for every shift I worked there, which was over 100! I think maybe I'll start up again with LVN school. That would be pretty cool, and wouldn't take too much time, except maybe on clinical days. But it doesn't have to necessarily all be about nursing school, just the life of a nursing student. It's very therapeutic and I guess I could use that right now. I have no clue about my life or all of the people in it. I sort of want to shut off and turn everything away. I'm doing pretty good at pushing people away. :P not that it's a good thing. I wonder if things will get better once school starts... I just feel like I'm wasting life... I had a day off from my jobs and I felt like I should have been there b/c I did absolutely nothing with my day and it was really crappy. I feel like I'm wasting the life God gave me and when I'm outside my nursing world I don't like the person I am. I know I'm a good Nurse's aide right now, and someday I'll be a great nurse... but it doesn't mean I'm a good daughter, friend, sister..... Right now I matter to the elderly and that's it. I'm very confused with how I feel and I guess I just need a lot of time and space to myself. I just need to get back on track. I need to do well in school so I can believe in myself again and know that I matter, that I'm not stupid and can do really well in something.

I was thinking about soccer today and goals. Sometimes when someone says you can't do something it motivates you to prove them wrong... but sometimes it just brings you down. I think that's what happened to me, especially senior year on varsity soccer. I was a good player, maybe not as good as the rest of them, but I didn't suck... I turned quickly into sucking with no motivation, no encouragement and left to have basically a separate practice from all the "good players." but what most of the "good" players had was a bad attitude... they were cruel and hateful and thought I shouldn't be on the team. That could be a good time to go out and prove them all wrong, but I didn't... i died a little inside and wanted to wait til track to show people how good I was. Which didn't happen til the end since we got a new sprinting coach and it was my only year not being on the 4by100 relay team even though i was on varsity for the past 2 years... but it's ok...b/c I was one of 2 people from my whole school to make it to CIF... so I'm not a total failure.

Sometimes we fail in certain areas... but then we start over and are rejuvenated. Like not making it through nursing school the first time. It didn't discourage me into thinking I won't be nurse... I just wasn't ready yet, and now I know that I am. I'm ready to tackle the nursing field and come out on top. Sometimes we are put in this race towards a goal that's not ours. So we have to change it and find away to come out the winner. That's what I'm doing this year, and I'm not going to feel better about myself until I do. Until people can look at me and think wow there's a smart and talented young girl. A lot of people will say I'm smart, and throughout High School b/c I got straight As they said I was... but I never really was... I never challenged myself. Nursing is the greatest challenge of my life. All I do is study the subjects I'm worst in. So if I can accomplish this, I can accomplish anything. I'm determined to do so b/c with so much other crap that's going on in my life, I need something to make me feel on top, that my life isn't a waste and that I matter.

So here's to stomping on all the other BS in my life and coming out on top.

I've given all I have

"It's not about getting, it's about giving." Very famous quotes we may hear growing up
another I've read recently "Love is not a desire to get something but to give."
It's very true and I whole heartily agree, but lately I feel like I've given all I can without getting anything in return... I'm running on empty. You can give and give and give, but if there's nothing ever coming back, you sort of lose the will to give anymore... you've run the race and aren't replenished after, you're going to collapse...
I feel like I care about soo many people that don't put in the effort. I know people are always busy and I do way too good of a job keeping in touch... but should somehow have to go months before they realize they miss you or want to contact you? I mean if it's months that pass by before you miss someone, you probably aren't that close to them...
So many people mean a lot to me that I know I won't mean as much to them... but I feel like I have to continue to let go and not care quite as much. It's too hard when they don't return the love and you are left feeling all alone. It may be why people don't take chances, they don't put their heart out there b/c it gets crushed. But the truth is people will always let you down, God's the only one who will always be there.
There are people in my life I know will be there for me no matter what. because people should be there all the time, not just when the going gets tough, you need them there to laugh with you too. Unfortunately it seems like a hard time for me and some of my close friends. We are all going through so much that it's hard.
I don't know what God has in store for me of for them but i'm trusting in Him, to help us through and bring us to a better place, so that we might stand a top the hill and look down and see all that we have conquered and fought towards to get there.
He always places people in my life for a reason and gives the encouragement I need, the hard part is knowing when their time is over. When God is done using them. It doesn't mean I've stopped caring about them but it might mean it's time for our paths to part ways and to merely think of all they've taught and meant to us instead of trying to keep in contact with everyone in the world. :P
As far as me and my friends go... I hope all the crap that is happening now means that things will look up in the future? That's all we can hope for. God is using all of this to better us in the future and make us stronger.
I need to get to a place where I can grow... I'm living in such a toxic environment I'm suffocating on dry land. We can only do so much, as one person and I feel sorry for those who don't have God... b/c honestly I don't know what would get me through the day. What hope I would have to cling on to if it weren't for Him. What would I have to look forward to or have a promise that one day it will be better and that in the end Heaven is so worth it.
I'm sure one day life is going to be amazing and I'll sit back and think wow what did I do to deserve this or have my life be this good... at least I hope I reach that point someday... but until then I have to trust that God has me here for a reason, despite the hardships and difficulties, He will carry me over the sand.
that's all for now....

Something I've noticed

You know what's funny... people always want to stay in touch with people... they write keep in touch or it's great to hear from you... but I never get that...
granted it's b/c i overly stay in touch with people but still it would be nice if people actually responded. I guess sometimes the people you would like to stay in touch with don't feel the same... but the ones that do are the ones that matter... everyone else's loss. :P
and I never post on here... b/c like I said no one reads it :P I just use it to read other's and leave comments :)
Can't wait til school starts!!! Top of my nursing class here I come!!! :0

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANNA!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to someone who has had an amazing impact in my life
My dear friend Anna!
I'm so thankful she is a part of my life and to see how God is working through her
I love you Anna!!

exciting news!!!

So I just got a call today and found out i got a job as a CNA at Royale Meadows.
Anita called me and said so "i'm going to go ahead and.... offer you the job."
I was so excited!! i was like jumping up and down :)
orientation is on October 16th. so from then we will see how everything goes!!
I'm so excited! it's the next step to becoming a nurse and I finally have a job in the industry I am going to be in. I can write on my resume I have CNA experience and my only work experience won't be at a movie theater or a food company.
I was getting worried too but God is good and He provided like He always does.
well i'm just waiting til 1 so I can call my best friend. :) can't wait to talk!!
so yah i was bored and felt like writing this to myself :P

Some quotes

"What you feel only matters to you, it's what you do to the people you say you love that matters." -The Last Kiss

"You Can't fail if you don't give up"
- Party Of Five

"Every sucky day you live you don't have to live again. Just do the time."
-The Last Kiss

"You either fall in love or you don't."
-The Last Kiss

Summer Days

Well today is another typical day.
I have to work 5-midnight. :( I'm sure it's the last time I will be working by myself after this week. Everyone will be out of school and summer hours at the theater will begin.
I need to remember to call my manager and ask her to try to find my taxes! I feel bad cause she just moved and I don't want her to have to go through all my things, but my financial aid at St. Luke's cannot be processed until I send them in!!
I didn't think I needed them, which is why I left them in Iowa. Silly me!
Today I didn't do much, I scrapbooked while watching Little House on the prairie. :) I finally finished season 1! I have some catching up to do. My mom started season 6!! I'm 5 seasons behind!! lol
My friend Alida, starts at the theater with me on Sunday. I'm kind of upset though b/c my Manager Sariah said I could train her, but she scheduled her Sunday morning! I don't work then, I have church to attend! I'm gunna mention it to her today! That's sad!
No word on supervisor, Sariah did put me in charge the other night, but I mean let's face it, I've been there longer than anyone else. I think she was testing me or something, but everything always takes forever with managers! ugg.
I'm glad I'm not taking summer school. Some of my friends are though and that kind of sucks. I've been home for a month now and all I've done is work!! Everyone is still in school. I am ready for summer to begin and start doing some amazing things.
We'll see I guess, but now it is time for work! :S

Letting go

Life is never what you expect it to be. Things get thrown at you and you have to learn how to deal with it. People will let you down and although you never thought it possible, sometimes you have to learn how to let them go. You come to find that God placed them in your life for a reason and sometimes once their purpse is served they need to be let go.

So now I'm trusting in God and letting go... it feels so much better